Missing Color
by sternchan
Summary: Hood's way into the sunlight.


Wohooo my third EH FF!

Again, special Thanks to EHfan for taking care of my grammar and spelling and idioms and so on ! :-)

And thx to all the people who gave me a feedback when I posted it at planet-hood! :-)

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Missing Color

Two months after his wife's death, Jacob found himself lost in a time he could not name. He did everything expected of him; he even gave away the things that belonged to his wife. He promised himself after finishing everything life would be easier; but that was a lie. He sat in his new apartment in Washington DC and was discussing his world. Not with a profession psychologist but with the small voice that existed only in his head.

Yesterday he was introduced to Special Agent Brain McKinn. He did not like the guy. And now he sat here, waiting for the sun to rise. But he could not see it rising, because it was raining.

I'm crying.  
_Why?_  
That doesn't matter.  
_How long have you been crying?_  
I don't remember.  
_Because you are happy?_  
Maybe.  
_Because you are sad?_  
Most likely.

He didn't know anymore why his soul was still crying. He did all he could; maybe he was happy because he had started a new life, but it was most likely that he was sad. New town, new job, new stupid Agent McKinn and no sun. The sky tuned color from black to grey. 'Better grey than black.' Jacob thought. But there was still no color in his world. He got up and took his suitcase. Outside his apartment was Agent McKinn waiting.

I'm in pain.  
_Why? _  
I'm not sure.  
_Where?_  
Everywhere  
_Who's fault is that?_  
My life.  
_What exactly?_  
The situation.

The hotel was ugly. Who in the world would paint the walls grey? Well at least it fitted his mood. Agent McKinn had the room next to his. Jacob did not know why, but his head was hurting. He hated having this man around.

I'm trapped.  
_Where?_  
In this surrounding  
_Is it dark?_  
Yes, very.  
_Is someone else there?_  
I'm not sure.  
_Is it a friend?_  
A friend or a foe.

4 o'clock in the morning. He couldn't sleep. It was dark. He could hear somebody snoring through the thin wall, but he didn't know if it was the Agent or another guest of the hotel.

_Do you have foes?_  
I don't know.  
_Do you have friends?_  
Yes.  
_Many?_  
Enough.  
_Good friends?_  
Yes.  
_Then everything is good._

After finishing the case, that included a near death experience when his car was blown up he definitely knew he had enemies.

But today he was at his sisters place, with his new handler Agent Susi Dorrien. She was pretty, but the way she giggled and treated him like a child annoyed him deeply.

His sister was polite as always but she could see his discomfort when Susi was around. Because it was Christmas, his sister had invited a lot of friends but Jacob felt his world was dark and lonely. There was still no sunshine.

No, I'm crying, it can't be good.  
_Who made you cry?_  
The people who went away when things became difficult.  
_Who was that?_  
Friends.  
_Does that hurt?_  
Yes, that hurts.  
_Did they go because you were difficult? _  
I don't know. I don't want to know.

Not all of his friend came for Christmas, although they were invited. Some just turned their backs on him after his wife died. He had seen the compassion in their eyes at the funeral but he never saw them again. Maybe it was partly his fault. He had closed himself away from almost everybody. He sometimes became rude when someone tried to take him away from his pain.

I'm being hit.  
_You have wounds?_  
In the mirror, no.  
_Inside?_  
Yes.  
_They will heal. _  
I'm not sure about that.  
_Why?_  
They can only heal when the situation changes.

Only 6 weeks later Agent Dorrien was gone. He went through more Agents after her, working with them only about a few month or so. He did not remember all of their names. There was this man… Mulder… who seemed to believe everything science could not prove. Frank had talked to him. Asked if he could at least try not piss of the whole FBI . That comment went directly to his soul.

But I will survive.  
Soon it will be spring  
And life will be easier  
I'm looking forward to the new beginning.  
The wounds will heal  
The cold icy blanket will melt  
And I will be free in the sun.

He was in a hotel again, watching the sunrise. The walls of the room where colored a friendly light blue and there were fresh flowers on the table. He smiled. Color. How he missed it.

Then there was a knock on the adjoining door, to the next room and it slowly opened. His handler Special Agent Rachel Young was standing there holding out a coffee to him.

"Good Morning." She said.

"Good Morning." He replied taking the coffee. He smiled as she sat down next to him.  
'Yes," he thought 'it is a good morning.'

Rachel had told him yesterday that she liked to work with him. And he had to admit that he liked to have her around.

The sun rose and he felled that his life would be joyful again.

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Thanks for reading!


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